Drinks After Dark
by jenhansonify
Summary: A/O. Alex Cabot and Olivia Benson explore their new relationship.
1. Part 1 Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The Sheridon Hotel's bar gave a warm, low light that flickered at each small, round table. The bar had patrons dressed in suits and dressed from Manhattan's fashion district. Martinis were sipped and Long Island iced tease, and sparkling sodas with lime. Judges were frequent customers, alongside the attractive and wealthy.

Along the bar, around the private seating area, was another warm room with the same dim-lighting and expensive dinning ware. This room contained it's own less haughty bar. Regular people, as they're known only to themselves, chat and relax with cheap booze and laughter that filled both room, as well as hearts. Along the back wall, at a table set for two, a beautiful blonde plays with the candle in the center. She wears thick brown glasses from a fashion advertisement, and a gray suit with a blue silk blouse.

A large, round man on his way to the nicer of the two rooms, turns back quickly.

"miss Cabot?"

The blonde looks up, half-expecting someone else, and then smiles and embraces the large man.

"It's good to see you, Douglas."

"Please, join me and some of my colleagues for a few drinks!"

"I would but I'm meeting a friend myself, " she smiles and winks. The man lets out a bellowing, good-natured laugh. He leans in close to her and whispers.

"She's not for you if she doesn't realize how lucky she is to have you."

Alex cups her hands around his gently, "thank you, Doug."

He grins and returns the wink, "if you change your mind about those drinks, you know where to find me. Don't hesitate."

She slides back into her chair, and the doubts slide back into her mind. What if she doesn't show? Worse, what if she shows and finds all of _this_ disturbing? Worse even than that, what if she shows, finds it disturbing, and shares it with the squad? -worse, shares it with her partner. Although humiliation has always come with the lifestyle, her private life has remained fairly unscathed. At least up until this point.

She checked her watch, how had only a minute passed? And still, her date was already five minutes late. Maybe she'd heard about Alex's few and short-lived work relationships. They were mostly bad ideas.

They had been separated, Alex continued while staring and playing with the candle, those two years where she spent a time everyday thinking about Olivia. No, it wasn't just Olivia she thought about, it was everything she wished her and Olivia could do together. Their first date, traveling, wearing each other's rings, their first kiss. If only it weren't love, then she could ignore her feelings. With love comes pressure; the pressure made even this, a semi-date, totally and tragically frustrating, hoping and praying it'll end before it begins, and wishing it'll end in magic.

Then she caught a glimpse of her by the bar. Suddenly all of the doubts seemed as far away as Mars. She could breathe again, see again, and everything she worried about really didn't matter any more. What mattered most was seeing her, talking with her, listening to her.

Olivia smiled nicely at a man offering to buy her a drink. Her chocolate brown hair stood out over her burgundy wool coat. Her rather masculine boots gave her an edge, and her eyes as always, were deep and wise, as that of a woman of intrigue. She had one boot across the bar bar, and the tabletop tucked under her elbows. She tried flagging down the bartender with no avail. After the third try she gave up and began looking around for Alex in the dark room.

As they made eye contact they couldn't help but smile. Alex's heart began to beat faster, and for a moment she panics because she feels faint. As Olivia walks across the room, a peculiar feeling washes over Olivia. Alex suddenly looks different to her, more beautiful , but it isn't just that. The feeling inside herself seems to be morphing, or perhaps simply making sense. It could be the lighting, or the lack of lunch inside. The feeling pushes blood to her face and cheeks, and her knee's wobble in her remaining strides; she can see herself outside of herself.

Alex stands as Olivia approaches and they embrace without thinking. Olivia pulls away first and peels off her coat to reveal a warm, black v-neck sweater.

"It's warm in here," she says immediately, feeling herself blush again. Alex smiles, and thinks to herself how lucky it is the lighting is poor enough to not show her own blushing cheeks.

"I invited Elliot, I hope that's ok," says Olivia. Alex turns away a moment as the arrow penetrates her heart, then looks back to Olivia with a smaller smile, and a nod. It's quiet and still, and awkward for a moment.

"I know you two don't always get along, " she continues, "but he is good at heart. I know he can be aggressive sometimes, but-"

"You don't have to make excuses for him."

Olivia looks down at her hands, and her lips move like she's going to speak, but she doesn't. Alex realizes she's been too quick, too short.

"I didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry. I just-"

"Maybe I should call him. Tell him not to come by tonight? "she says with a hint of questioning. Alex finds it a little strange, since Olivia never seems to seek approval.

"I was just hoping it could be you and I tonight."

Just as her words came from her lips and entered Olivia's ears, there was a familiar voice from behind.

"I'm late," Elliot says as he slides a chair to the table and slumps into it.

"Hello, Cabot," he says half-heartedly, and rather into the open air instead of to her directly.

"Alex," she says back to him in a much nicer manner, "how're you?"

"Great," he answers flatly.

"El," Olivia chimes in like a mother. He turns to her with a grin befitting a trouble-maker in his teens.

"You know how I feel about lawyers," he laughs and turns to Alex, "It's ok, I know some of you aren't leeches.

After he removes his cold smile from her, she lets out a quiet sigh and takes a hard swallow. She doesn't notice, though, Olivia watching her subtly. Elliot continues to talk to her, and only her, despite Olivia's attempts to re-establish Alex into the conversation.

Finally Alex gives up, needing a break from Elliot's blatant, and poor behavior. She's hardly audible when she says 'excuse me' and ejects from the situation. Leaving the room she realizes Elliot will try to coerce Olivia to leave with him, and all she can wish for is to lay eyes upon Olivia once more in her black sweater and cool burgundy coat. The idea of turning around and seeing Olivia laughing and joking with Elliot is too painful, and turning to lay eyes upon the woman she's in love with becomes all too impossible. If she can't have her, fine, but she refuses to linger and watch as another fills that role.

Standing in the bathroom in front of a mirror, she stares into her own eyes, though she hardly can see as her thoughts work as a cloud or veil. A warmth fills in around her eyes. A couple blinks produces beads of tears that fall along her cheek and land in the sink. She can feel a flood breaking through her defensive walls, but this isn't the time or place. The flood recedes back into her heart with the promise that it will be released later, at home, in private. Elliot's words are harsh, but they matter little to nothing compared to everything Olivia. This was a night she planned for while they were apart. This was supposed to be the night she confesses to Olivia, confesses her _love._

She dabs her eyes and cheeks carefully with a piece of toilet paper, careful not to smear her make up. In her mind she thanks the hotel designer for the dim lighting and then forces her way out of the bathroom- and into the frying pan.

"How nice of you to return," Elliot remarks before she even sits in her chair.

"Off drinking with the judges?" he laughs.

"I don't drink Elliot," she throws back quickly, "and according to last year's Christmas Party, you shouldn't either."

Olivia snorts; Alex smiles and Elliot kicks underneath the table. It's violent, and childish, and brings the gathering to an all-time low. After another awkward silence, Alex searches for Olivia's attention, and smiles when Olivia offers it while trying to conceal her own. It's as if a ray of warm sun light touches every pore of Alex's body.

Elliot squeezes his hand into a fist quite noticeably, and in the two seconds she looks away and looks back, Olivia's expression has changed from light and humorous, to a shade of sadness.

_Damn him,_ Alex thinks, _he's a child, but she shouldn't blame herself for his pathetic attitude._

"I'm getting another drink. Olivia, would you like something?"

"I'll go with you," she replies to everyone's surprise.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Two more," Alex says to the bartender and points to her and Olivia's drinks. Standing this close to Olivia, Alex realizes she can smell her perfume and it acts as an aphrodisiac. She wants not to look at her, in fear she'll lose control of herself and attempt something, like kissing her. She watches Olivia through her peripherals.

Olivia stares at a whiskey bottle half empty and her mind drifts to thoughts of her mother. Alex didn't know, wouldn't know, that this was one of her mother's bar's of choice. She could find her here on her better days, boozing and meeting men. Suddenly the whiskey looked disgusting and wretched.

"Is he ok?" Alex asked, finally breaking out of her own thoughts. Olivia turned to her with a far-off look that shifted into a smile as she remembered who she was standing next to. She bowed her head and came back up as normal Olivia, serious yet kind.

"Today's been a hard day for him. His divorce was finalized."

"He's married?" Alex blurted out before she could stop herself, "I mean, was."

"You didn't know?"

"I noticed the ring, but he never said anything. Although he hates me, so it's no wonder," Alex smiled.

"He only hates you..." Olivia stopped, looking distant again.

"What?" Alex asked quieter, closer to her.

"Strong women intimidate him," Olivia smiled. Alex rolled her eyes humorously.

"Ladies," the bartender interrupted and slid their drinks in front of them. Olivia went for her wallet but Alex put her hand up, "My treat."

It was a mystery when, but Elliot had left at some point during their trip to the bar not twenty feet away. Alex removed his chair and put it carefully back where it belonged. She sat and took a sip of her soda and lime.

Looking into her drink, she decided to say the right thing, and mean it, "if you want to go after him, I understand."

There was no answer and she thought Olivia may have already slipped away. But as she looked up she found Olivia smiling and holding up her drink to her lips. She licked her lips as she set it back down and her hair fell in front of her eyes. She pushed it back, keeping her gaze tightly focused on Alex.

"I would rather stay here, I think," Olivia finally said, looking away.

Suddenly Alex realized that maybe, maybe these feelings she had were in fact mutual. Maybe Olivia wasn't out, or had never explored. Maybe Olivia had thought about her those two years. Just maybe she felt something real, like Alex always had.

Alex finally looks away, realizing also that she had been staring. She watches a few people around the room, drinking, chatting.

"I'm glad you stayed," Alex finally said, into the air like Elliot had, but not for the same reasons. She could see from her peripherals that Olivia was moving, but before she turned she felt Olivia take her hand from across the table. She closed her eyes for a moment, like an extended blink.

Olivia used both hands to cup Alex's. She found it foreign, to touch someone in a such a way, even so harmlessly on the hands. She studied Alex's nails, and creases, and the color. In her mind she lifted one hand to her lips and kissed softly, but in reality she just stared and touched. There weren't many words to be said now, and no words seemed to fit, so none were said for the time.

After a minute, Olivia took her hands away and wrapped them around her drink. She began sipping more frequently, and Alex noticed she was shaking her leg from nerves. Alex took a cool sip of her drink, making sure to touch the back of her hand against her lips to feel the warmth left over from Olivia. They conversed like spies, looking elsewhere and talking just strongly enough to hear each other.

"I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable," Alex said.

"It isn't you," Olivia responded quickly, "I just know this bar, I know a lot of people in here."

Alex frowned, realizing now that taking her to a familiar bar was probably stupid.

"If you want, we could go some place quieter."

"I am kind of hungry," Olivia said turning to face Alex. Alex followed her cue, and made a face to be a little less serious and formal.

"Any ideas?" Alex asked.

"How about my place? Take-out?" Olivia asked.

"I'm in."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Alex refused to let Olivia drive after her drinks at the bar, and instead took her and Olivia in her car to Liv's apartment. Olivia was still tipsy when they arrived at the door, but it was a light and jovial mood.

Alex still hadn't been to her apartment but found it similar to her ideas of the place. Olivia threw her coat over a stand and then removed Alex's and hung it nicely beside hers.

"I need to freshen up, would you open some wine? It's in the kitchen, by the stove."

"Sure, take your time," Alex said.

Olivia disappeared into her bedroom as Alex made her way into the kitchen. She found the wine easily, but had to search for the glasses and bottle opener. As she did in her kitchen, she felt comfortable, so she began to sing a soft, made-up tune. She popped the corked next, and turned around to find Olivia there, on the other side of the counter, watching her. Alex jumped, "you startled me!"

Olivia ignored her, her eyes were wide and wondrous, "Your voice, it's beautiful."

Alex rolled her eyes as she poured the wine into each glass.

"No, I mean it," Olivia said, "I didn't know you could sing."

"I didn't think I could," Alex smiled and re-corked the bottle.

Olivia took both the glasses and Alex followed her back into the living room. Liv sat on one end of the small couch, so Alex took the other end.

"Thank you," Alex said finally, "for the compliment."

Olivia smiled and then noticed the wine in Alex's hand, "Hey- I thought you didn't drink."

Alex shrugged, "I enjoy a glass of wine, on special occasions."

It was at least half true. It was indeed a special occasion, but the wine was to calm her nerves more than anything. Olivia held up her glass; Alex mirrored her.

"To good friends," Olivia said. They clinked their glasses together and each took a sip.

"Food! I forgot!" Olivia dashed to the kitchen and returned with two menus.

"Chinese," she held up one, "or Tai?" she said holding up the other. Alex pointed to the Tai.

"Good choice," she smiled, "I have them on speed dial."

After ten minutes on the phone with a young man who could hardly speak English they're orders were placed. The room adopted a quiet, a new, thick quiet. Alex could see in her minds eye, a mist that seeped in from the other rooms and clouded everything except the couch. She imagined the floor disappearing from below her feet. A purple and blue night sky appeared below, as if they weren't sitting on a couch, but on a cloud, viewing the city from far above. It was a feeling of thrill and fear, of heaven and the weariness of limbo.

Olivia sat, far on the other end of the couch, watching Alex from her peripherals. She could feel Alex's physical and mental distance. She could reach her arm out and touch her, if she didn't feel it was like looking backwards into a binocular.

Alex breathed in deeply, and more loudly than she intended. Olivia turned to her using the breath as an excuse to break the deafening silence.

"Are you alright?" Olivia whispered.

Immediately Alex watched her clouded world fall away, and she thought after all, the wine may not have been the best idea.

"I'm just thinking," she said quietly back. She turned so her back lay against the couch arm, and so she could face Olivia straight on, like she had always hoped.

Olivia looked away, into her wine, "about... us?"

As soon as the word 'us' came from her lips she wished to take it back, though she couldn't say why, or why it gave her a pulsating beat in her chest.

"There are things that I wanted to tell you... but I'm not sure I can now," Ales said.

"What is it?" Olivia asked again too quickly before she could stop herself. She was curious was all, that's it.

"I never got to say thank you, not really, not how I wanted to."

"Thank you? For what?" Olivia frowned.

"You saved my life. You stayed by my side when I was shot," she smiled, still close to disbelief.

Olivia waved her hand, "I was just doing my job."

Alex smiled again, "That doesn't mean I'm not grateful... Everything in my life changed that night-"

"Well yours wasn't the only one," Olivia snapped.

Alex's expression fell into a frown. Olivia took a long sip of wine and barely swallowed before letting herself go.

"They told me you were dead. And then, you weren't. And then, you were gone. Just like that. I never got to talk to you. You never-" she stopped, feeling tears building. She took a moment, for the tears to dehydrate.

"Your life wasn't the only one changed that night. I waited, like an idiot. I waited two weeks before I realized you weren't coming back. Then three months went by without even a call. Three months become five, ten, then a year. You never wrote, or called, or even sent me an email or text. I thought maybe you would send me a photo, or a coded message, something dammit!"

She set her glass on the coffee table with a thud. The wine swished out over the sides. She didn't seem to notice, or care. Alex stared at her own folded hands in her lap. How she had longed for these words, just not in this way.

"I loved you," Olivia said quieter. "I loved you, and I lost you. I don't know if I can do that again."

Alex began slowly and quietly after a few long moments.

"I wrote you every day. I have the letters. They wouldn't let me send them, and they said I would put any sender in danger. But I have them all, stamped and sealed. They're yours. I have e-mails saved as drafts. I have texts. I dialed your cell so many times that those numbers became dented and scratched. I would wake up in the middle of the night saying your name. And reaching across my bed to find you. I prayed you would be safe. I would look for you when I was out, just in case you were around. I've loved you for a very long time, Olivia. And I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry," Alex said as tears dripped down her cheeks.

She continued, "sometimes I wish I'd died that night. Then I could always be around you, never leave you."

Olivia reached for her drink again, and took another long sip.

"I missed you," Liv finally said.

Alex couldn't stop from smiling. "I missed you too."

Alex reached her hand across the leather cushions and offered her palm. She needed to feel Olivia, she desperately wanted to simply hold her hand. Olivia stared at her palm, recognizing the creases of Alex's hand to be soft and divine. As if it were painful, Alex noticed, Olivia bit her lip as she stretched out her hand and placed it carefully over hers. They sat like this holding their breath, their hearts beating in unison, as one.

"How would you feel if I kissed you?" Alex murmured.

"I don't know honestly," Olivia sighed, "but I'll know if you do."

Alex nodded, and gulped. She could remember her first kiss in high school, her first kiss with a girl. It had the same butterfly feeling in the gut, and her heart beating so loud she figured it was audible. She stood, took two small steps and sat beside Olivia on her side of the couch, never letting go of Liv's hand. She lightly began stroking her fingers across Liv's forearm, dragging her fingers down to her wrist and back up again.

Olivia had become stiff with fear. She had always had issues with intimacy, plus her career choice didn't help. And then there was falling for a woman, whom with which she had no experience. But Alex wasn't _some _woman, she knew this as soon as she met her the first time. Alex wasn't only beautiful, she was brilliant, addictive, arresting. She had captures Liv's attention so amply, and without intent. It struck Olivia with alarm that someone could demand so much of her energy without hardly touching her, but she had. It was only in this moment that she recognized these feelings as real love, as being _in love_. Love like this had never pricked her, like a beautiful rose with its stem of thorns.

Olivia took her other hand and placed over Alex's before Alex could move any further.

"Please," Olivia whispered, "please take this slow."

Alex nodded, she understood the confusion and doubt Olivia felt. She once had been quote, _normal _too. Those days had long passed, but she understood the turmoil like it had all happened yesterday. Even now, love confessed, she wouldn't get to show Olivia to the world. But why would she share her with the world anyway? She had found her missing part, and now she didn't care who and who didn't know.

She slid her hand around Olivia's neckline and leaned in slowly.

"I'll never leave you again," she declared, breathy.

"You better not," Olivia rasped, licking her lips.

They closed their eyes and kissed for the first time, warm and wet, and many more times after.


	4. Part 2 Chapter 4

**Part 2: Keeping it Quiet**

3 MONTHS LATER

_Like lifting five hundred pounds, keeping the relationship a secret had become nearly a fatal attempt. Breakfast and dinner were easier than lunch, and meeting in public was usually out of the question. Still, the relationship went on, and went on well._

_ Late nights went on as all-nigters talking, laughing, and exploring. Olivia had come out of her shell, telling Alex some of her deepest, darkest secrets. Alex found meaning again, and flourished from Olivia's rich, strong love. Togetherness was their resolve, and discovery their opposition._

**Chapter 4**

Alex and Olivia rode the elevator together. Alex had a case to discuss with Cragen, and Liv was being dropped off by Alex, so she kidded.

They had spent the night at Alex's, as they did regularly without much trouble. Olivia was called first, also as per regularly, but this morning was nice because they had the chance to catch breakfast together, and ride over to the precinct together. They were cautionary. Always, they had a definite gap between them, to assure every onlooker that they were friends, and only friends.

Olivia's phone buzzed again but before she could answer Alex slipped her hand into Liv's pocket and held the phone away from her with a sweeping smile. Olivia brooded with a bantering spark. She held out her hand, and in a trying-to-be stern voice, demanded the phone be released.

Alex looked up at her with seductive eyes and a slight gesture indicating a teasing refusal. Olivia tried again with another wave of her hand. Alex responded by holding the phone behind her back.

"Come and get it," she beckoned.

"Who's the detective here?" Olivia asked with her head held high.

"You," Alex smiled.

"So who carries the gun?"

"You," Alex whispered gripping the phone harder. Olivia raised her eyebrows waiting for Alex to give in. She wouldn't.

"Come and get it, Miss detective," she purred.

"You don't want me to come over there," Olivia warned.

Olivia watched Alex piercingly; Alex bit her lower lip.

"What are you going to do, Copper?"

Olivia played her first step as slow, then pounced, propelling herself into a deep, naughty kiss. Alex uttered a thick, inadvertent moan that shook Olivia's drive into the next, harder to control gear. Liv pushed into her until her back was to the wall, holding her fingers close to Alex's lips, kissing her passionately and with vigor. Alex's arms fell away from behind her, slipping Liv's phone into her pocket, and wrapped around Olivia's shoulders and gripped onto the base of her neck where she could take hold of her hair. Olivia groaned in pleasure.

Liv pulled away slowly, out of breath, and slid her phone from Alex's pocket easily. She smiled, looking upon Alex remaining still, licking her lips and regaining some cognition. Alex's expression spoke stories of sexual desire and physical attraction, of lust and yearning.

Olivia held out her hand to Alex, and Alex took it softly.

Alex readjusted Liv's hair and then stood beside her and curled her arm around Olivia's so she could hold it against her body. She tilted her head and rested upon Liv's shoulder. These were the moments she would never forget. Resting on Liv's shoulder, smelling her hair, already missing the taste of her. Olivia looked down to see her against her shoulder. Her long blonde hair coated her black blazer, and her breath heated her neck.

It was only for a moment when Olivia shut her eyes. It was a moment she really wanted to savor and enjoy. But it was always only a moment when trouble brewed. The elevator doors opened before they had time to react, and he was already standing there, waiting, phone in hand.

Alex released Olivia's arm and they both took a step away from each other; it was awkward and embarrassing. Munch, the man at the opening, shared eye contact with both of them.

He turned back to Olivia after a seemingly endless moment, "I've been calling you. We have to go. Interview in Manhattan."

Olivia nodded.

"This is my stop," Alex said. She looked to Olivia before leaving her there with Munch, and once Olivia nodded she took her cue that it was ok to leave.

As the elevator doors shut Alex out of view, Olivia thought about what she might say to Munch to explain. Nothing particularly convincing came to mind.

She watched, followed and drove with Munch without a word. He drove, she took the passenger seat, and she watched out the window as he drove to eastern Manhattan. She had a painstaking feeling that whatever she tried to say would come out only as _lesbian, lesbian, lesbian._ Though shame wasn't a concern, judgement was.

Her phone buzzed and she eyed Munch before sliding the lock open. It was a text from Alex.

R u ok?

Olivia typed out a quick response.

Yeah.

Her phone buzzed again.

Call me when u can. I love you.

Olivia wiped her thumb across the last part of the message. Her lips curled into a smile; she closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to think about Munch, if he was watching her. She replied.

I love you more. 3

She could hardly concentrate at their interview with the ex-neighbors of a rape/murder victim from the '70's. She remembered Warner explaining how old cases were being solved thanks to new and improved DNA testing. It was interesting stuff, Alex had said to her before.

Once the interview was over they returned to the Munch-mobile. She was feeling better, less afraid, and eager to sink her teeth into the new case. Munch slipped the key into the ignition and she turned to look out the window as he drove, but he didn't drive. He rolled down their windows and reached into the glove compartment. He pulled out a cigar still sealed, and unwrapped it while humming. Olivia frowned, her mouth ajar, shifting her eyes wondering what he was doing.

Munch carefully took out a Zippo lighter with FBI written across the front, and lit and puffed. Olivia waved the smoke out of her face. Finally, he turned to face her.

"So," he smiled nicely, "you know my secret, I know yours."

Olivia looked away again, remaining stoic, but surprised. A smile dawned on her, and she shook her head. She turned back to him. He was still smiling, making O's with the cigar smoke. She was going to speak up, but she realized that he was doing this _for _her, not _to _her. He wasn't judging her, instead he was supporting her.

"Nice O's," she coughed. He waggled his eyebrows.

"What do you think of the emblem?" he showed her the lighter with FBI written on it.

"Did you know that during the 1940's the FBI had hired and denied to have hired their first investigative unit of psychic spies? Course, you can't read that on their web site."

Olivia listened, laughing some of the time, as he went on, and while he smoked his cigar. They watched the neighborhood leisurely, and every so often Olivia would punch out her new text message to Alex.

Maybe this whole thing wouldn't be so difficult after all. Maybe she could handle it better than she thought. Just maybe, she could look this issue dead in the eye and still hold onto the important things- her job, her friends, and her love.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Alex was running a few minutes late for her next appointment. She had to attend a mandatory meeting called by her boss at the court house, and her meeting with M. E. Melinda Warner put her in a downcast. The examination of a thirty year old skeleton would put anyone into a downcast.

She stopped at the restroom outside Warner's office to dab her head with a cool cloth. Ever since she was a child she developed head aches when she was stressed or upset. Olivia would rub her temples and tell her sweet things to relax her, and that was the best medicine she'd ever found.

She looked at herself in the mirror wondering what Olivia was doing. Her job was a source of stress for Alex, but she knew Olivia took pride as a detective, and she knew Olivia was a smart detective. At the moment though, she fantasized Liv worked some where else, so she could stop in to see her without it being anyone else's business. Just then her phone rang in her pocket, it was Liv. She picked up her bag and cloth and locked herself in a stall. Liv always came to her rescue.

"Hello?"

"What are you doing?" Liv asked.

"At the morgue," Alex answered, "Warner had something to show me. What about you?"

Olivia's voice grew quieter, "I'm at work. Cragen's in his office and everyone else is out."

"I wish I could come see you," Alex admitted.

"I know," said Olivia with care, "are you alright?"

"I have a bad headache. I could sure use your hands."

Olivia giggled on the other end, and then cleared her voice. Alex imagined her scanning the room, checking to see if anyone was around to hear.

"Is everything ok? With Munch?" Alex sighed.

"It's all fine. Don't worry about it. Do what you need to do for work, and I'll have something special waiting at home for you."

Alex grinned, "I'll see you at home, 'Livia. Love you."

"Love you too."

Alex waited for Olivia to hang up first, as she usually did. Alex liked it, it made her eager to talk to her again. She tossed her phone into her bag and flushed the cool cloth, now warm and crumbly. She smoothed out her black pencil skirt and unhitched the stall lock.

She jumped as the door swung open and revealed Melinda on the counter. She was sitting with her palms against the cold counter, and her arms erect at her sides. She looked troubled.

"Melinda?"

Melinda met her gaze slowly, "I didn't mean to over hear. I just came in for some paper towels."

Alex didn't understand, she wasn't concerned for herself yet. She recalled the last few minutes and wondered if Melinda meant she knew what Alex feared. She thought she hadn't used Olivia's name, but she couldn't be sure. She also couldn't be sure how Melinda would act if she were honest.

"Hm?" Alex managed to say. Warner closed her eyes and shook her head. There was no longer any way of denying it, but Alex would try, she was an ADA after all.

"I'm not sure what you think you may have heard-"

"Don't," Warner said as she slid off the counter and stood akimbo. "I have a duty, Alex."

"Melinda-" Alex winced.

"You haven't reported it, have you? You would have told me outright if you had. I can't believe you two. Your an ADA, Alex, and she works in your unit. You know the potential consequences. Cases could immediately be dropped if this leaks. An ADA and a detective working together to make their cases."

"Don't let it," Alex lunged toward her with worrisome eyes, "we would never do that."

"I didn't expect this from you, but especially not from Olivia."

Alex found herself angry, "didn't expect _what_?" she demanded.

Melinda pointed a finger at her, "this has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. You two are jeopardizing your careers. She could be fired. You could be disbarred!"

Alex jumped, disliking her tone, "we're careful!"

"I found you in a bathroom! What are you going to do, avoid all bathrooms from now on? Come on, Alex. This is below you."

"Don't you judge me! You have no right!" Alex moved around her, threw open the bathroom door and stomped into the hall. Melinda quickly followed her. They reached the end of the hall when Melinda stood in between Alex and the elevator.

"We're not done," Melinda snapped.

Alex placed her forehead in her hand, the old headache was back like a drill, penetrating and high pitched, and echoing through her skull.

"What do you want?" she asked.

Melinda frowned, "I want you to do the right thing, Alex."

"I'm really late for a meeting... Why don't you come by tonight? The three of us can talk about this. Please... Please."

Melinda studied her for a moment then relinquished her position blocking the elevator. "Tonight."

"Tonight," Alex confirmed.

As soon as she entered the elevator she grabbed her phone and dialed Olivia. Olivia was at her desk at the station, with her fellow detectives busy around her. Cragen was talking about the current case, and Munch added the details they found at the interview. Fin and Elliot listened, adding in their theories.

"Excuse me," Olivia said answering her phone formally.

"Benson."

"Your not alone," Alex stated.

"That's correct," Olivia sounded professional. Alex let out a sigh, resting her back against the wall in the elevator.

"Is there something I can do for you?" she asked, and looked up to see Elliot frowning at her. She moved to her desk and took out a paper and pen, like she was gathering information. Alex tried to hold it back but she couldn't, not when she was talking to Olivia. She sniffled, and when she closed her eyes tears began lining her cheeks. Olivia tilted her head, looking down at her blank paper. She hated not being able to say anything comforting, she hated hearing her crying.

She scanned the room, noting everyone chatting about the case.

She whispered, "what is it, love?"

Alex whimpered, sniffled again, and removing the water from her cheeks.

"Tell me," Olivia whispered again.

"We can't do anything special tonight. We need to clean up. Melinda is coming by to talk to us."

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, noticing Elliot staring at her again. She got up from her desk and walked out of the room.

"I don't know what we're going to do, Liv. I don't know..." she trailed off, holding her head in her hand again.

"It's ok," Olivia said turning the corner of the hall and standing behind the snack machine, out of sight, in the furthest corner of the hall.

"We'll figure it out. I'll get off work early and clean everything up, ok? It's going to be ok," she reassured her, though unsure her self.

"I swear to God, Olivia, if she-"

"Don't," Olivia objected, "don't think about. I'll handle Melinda. You just stay calm. I'll pick you up from work."

"You can't," Alex sighed, "we can't afford the risk."

Olivia was quiet, she knew Alex was right about that.

"If anything happens, I'll be the one, ok?" Alex said, holding the phone to ear like it was Olivia herself. "I'll take the blame, and whatever else. I wont let you be responsible for this, I won't let you be outed. I _promise._"

Olivia felt tears of her own building, so she looked up to try to slide them back into her eyes.

"We've gotten through a lot worse, being apart. We'll do this together. Didn't we promise each other that?" Olivia asked listening to Alex's short, quick breaths.

She gulped down some of her fear, "Yes. Forever."

"That's right," Olivia smiled, and it leaked through the cell phone airwaves and became a smile across Alex's lips.

"Thank you," Alex whispered, "I'm just a mess today. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do."

"Later on tonight I'll hold you in my arms and kiss your neck. And kiss her lips. And all of this will seem far away," Olivia breathed. Alex let out a small whimper that warmed Olivia's heart.

She leaned against the wall for a few minutes after they hung up. She could imagine all the negative outcomes easily, but somehow the positive ones always outweighed the bad. In some ways it would be a relief to be out, to be out with Alex. She lied constantly to her friends, her partner. It was a difficult and painful business to lie to everyone. Still, she wasn't sure why, but being out terrified her.

"Liv?" Elliot asked, coming around the snack machine curiously.

"Yeah? What?" she turned to him quickly, shoving her phone into her pocket and looking serious again.

"Is everything ok?" he stammered.

She scoffed, then realizing she was coming off strong, took a deep breath.

"Are we going somewhere?" she asked.

He nodded, "Down town. Warner thinks she knows where the burial site could be."

She raised her head in a half-nod, then walked past him and headed toward the elevator. He caught up, standing beside her and looking her over. She noticed but decided to say nothing, rather than potentially anything that _could_ come out of her mouth.

_Warner. _They were going to see Warner. Perfect.

Elliot drove the two of them, continuously looking over at Olivia who was terribly quiet. Elliot thought about the last few months and how distant they had become. He couldn't place any definite reason, and he usually depended on her to solve these things. Now, he was troubled to think that he had done something to wreck their relationship.

Olivia spotted Fin and Munch in the vehicle behind them, and that made her smile a little. Munch was so cool about everything, at least her and Alex had him now. He had been right about one thing over the years they knew each other, exposure was indeed a remedy.

"So," Elliot interrupted the silence, "how're you?"

Olivia looked out the window, her breath fogging the glass, "fine."

"What's your problem?" he huffed.

She turned to face him, her eyes low and suspicious, "what the hell does that mean?"

"You've been acting weird, Liv. Is something wrong?"

She rolled her eyes, "you wouldn't understand."

"Try me," he pleaded as they arrived on-scene.

As soon as the car stopped Olivia went to open the door but Elliot quickly hit the lock button on the car. She looked back at him angry, pissed to be cornered like he was interrogating her.

"Leave me alone," she said before unlocking the door manually and hopping out.

Munch and Fin, and Elliot, joined her as she made her way onto a small, off the beaten path, empty lot. Munch caught up to her, a smile on his face, and she smiled back. She glanced behind her to find Elliot looking confused, and maybe a little pissed himself. She couldn't blame him, but he was easy to angry with since she knew him so well.

A line of uniformed cop's pointed in the direction of the crime scene. Olivia was the first to step through a line of brush. On the other side Alex, Warner, and one of Warner's assistants were standing around the body. Olivia, wide-eyed, looked around them, unsure where to stand or who to go to first. Munch was right behind her, and as he came through the line of brush she followed him.

He walked right up to Warner, so Olivia did too, feeling Alex standing off to the side of her only a few feet away. She could smell her perfume, and she could imagine her crying earlier. She wanted to hold her so tight, to disappear behind the brush and kiss her.

Warner shared a strong, dark look with Olivia before briefing them and Fin and Elliot, on the fresh body. She determined that it was the same site the other case, from the '70's, took place. Maybe even the same rapist and murderer, based on the type of wounds. Olivia took a back seat to the investigation, but tried to listen intently to every thing said. Every once in awhile she glanced at Alex and her blood would grow warmer. After she looked back to Warner once, and found her nearly glaring at her, she didn't glance at Alex again.

"Olivia?" Munch called. She came to his side, by the body. He pointed at a strange mark on the woman's neck, two short, squiggly lines.

"What do you think it is?" he asked.

"Could be ink," she said.

Warner stepped beside them, "I already checked. It's just a black ink from a pen."

"Someone drew on her?" Olivia inquired.

"Maybe," Warner shrugged, "I'll get a better idea once I get her on the table."

"I was reading the report on Neicey, from the 70's," Munch thought aloud, "I think there was something there about her being drawn on. I'll have to double check."

"There's no way to test it," Warner added, "but it would go with the rest of things I've found so far."

Elliot had been on the phone with Cragen updating him, and now he snapped his phone shut and joined the detectives by the body.

"Cragen wants us to talk to her parents," he said to Olivia, and to the other two, "he wants you back at the station."

Fin nodded and headed back toward the car, and Munch followed. Elliot stared at Olivia for a moment then turned away and walked off hot-headed. Olivia looked back at Warner, glancing at Alex talking to another crime scene investigator. Warner approached her slowly, looking over at Alex like Olivia had.

"I'll be seeing you tonight," she said.

Olivia nodded, "it's a pleasure."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

A little after five Olivia was able to talk to Cragen, and he was in favor of her taking the rest of the day off.

She hadn't been to her apartment for more than a few minutes a visit, since she spent almost all of her free time at Alex's. The apartment looked plain, and she realized how so much of it represented an old life. The things she didn't use were all that was left, but the decor, even the colors, weren't apart of her any more. She took a minute to say goodbye to everything, as she no longer needed her old creature comforts.

Then she got to work. Alex was stressed to say the least, and Liv wanted to make sure everything would be perfect for her. She hardly cleaned when it was just her, but the occasion called for the big guns. She threw on an old flannel button-up, some rubber dish gloves, and gave the place a sparkling scrub down.

Alex called her as she started dinner, to tell her she was on her way.

Alex knocked on the door, but when Olivia didn't answer she used her key. To put in one word, the place was magnificent. Olivia had even set up the dinning table she never used, with all the utensils neatly arranged, and candles. It would have been a wonderful night for two, Alex thought. But that would have to wait.

Alex found a note attached to the fridge from Liv saying she went out to the store for wine. Alex took a quick moment to freshen up in the bathroom. She went back to the kitchen after to grab a lighter. Olivia had set out candles throughout the living room and dinning room, and Alex went around lighting each one with a wish that the night would run smoothly.

She poured herself what was left of the wine and sat at the couch to sip it. She recalled sitting on the very couch months ago, after their first date. They'd come so far, she wasn't going to let anything come between their relationship- even her career.

Olivia hurried through the door carrying a brown paper bag.

"You're here!" she smiled. Alex followed her eagerly into the kitchen. Liv set the bag down and immediately wrapped her arms around Alex; Alex held her closely. Liv kissed her neck gently, then her lips, and the corner of her mouth.

"How's your head?" Liv asked as she rubbed her thumbs in circles on Alex's temples. Alex opened her eyes with a soft smile. She leaned in and kissed her again; it had been a long day, and it wasn't nearly over. Alex slid her arms around Liv's waist and they looked into each others eyes.

"Can we just do _this _tonight? Just stand here," Alex whispered.

Liv kissed Alex's collar bone with her warm lips, "we're going to be fine. I promise."

Olivia rested her head on Alex's chest, and Alex rubbed her back slowly and delicately. A knock on the door halted their cherished time.

"Hello!" Liv called as she perked up her energy and opened the door. It wasn't Warner though, it was Elliot. Before she could think she slammed the door. Alex poked her head out of the kitchen and raised her arms, "what's up?"

Olivia mouthed her words, "it's Elliot."

Alex frowned, her mouth hanging open. She shrugged in a kind of scared frantic; Elliot banged on the door.

"Hide," Olivia whispered. Alex ran back into the kitchen to look for a place but couldn't find one acceptable. She heard Olivia open the door again, and choose to duck down in the kitchen behind the counter.

"Elliot," Olivia said, "what are you doing here?"

He took a step in and looked around, "are you busy?"

"Sort of. Can you come back later- or tomorrow?" she stammered.

"I just wanted to see if you were ok," he said suspiciously, and then proceeded into her living room and sat on the couch. He noticed the glass of wine on the coffee table and looked at it quizzically. Olivia grabbed it and took a sip.

"What's up?" she asked.

"What's with all the candles?"

She cleared her throat, "I'm expecting company."

"You!" he laughed, "I didn't think you were a romantic."

Alex could see Elliot's knees from her angle in the kitchen, and she held back a scoff when he said it. Olivia checked her watched, Melinda was due any minute.

"So," she started.

He cut her off, "who's the company? New boyfriend?"

She smiled, and Alex smiled in the kitchen, "no."

"Who then?" he frowned.

Olivia gulped, "Warner, Warner's coming by. And her husband- and a couple other people," she lied with difficulty.

He nodded, "I guess I'm not invited."

"It's sort of a ladies thing."

"But Warner's bringing her husband?"

Olivia laughed, she didn't know what to say. There was a knock at the door. Olivia's eyes grew wide, as did Alex's. She remained still, as if Elliot wouldn't have heard it if she didn't move.

"Someone's at your door," he said.

"Yeah," she whispered. She made her way to the front door in what felt like slow motion. This was it. All she could hope for was that Melinda would recognize the terror in her eyes. She opened the door slowly to reveal Melinda in a nice dress and her hair looking fine.

"Hi!" Olivia nearly shrieked. She grabbed Warner and hugged her. Warner thought it was strange, then gave her coat to Liv and entered the apartment to spot Elliot. He stood.

"Warner," he smiled.

"Elliot, you can call me Melinda," she smiled back.

"Where's your husband?" he asked.

She turned to Olivia with a frown and then back at him, "at home."

"Well I'll get you some wine, red or white?" Olivia asked.

"White, please," Melinda said then sat next to Elliot on the couch.

Olivia nearly toppled over Alex when she reached the kitchen. She looked around and then crouched down beside her.

"What do I do?" she whispered with alarm.

Alex didn't know, but she knew it wouldn't be good if Melinda and Elliot were left alone talking.

"Distract them, and I'll go out, and knock on the door," she shrugged. Olivia liked it. She poured Melinda's wine messily and hurried back to the living room.

"Why don't you two follow me? I'd love to show you guys my new... dinning table," she smiled.

Elliot and Melinda followed her the long way around, to avoid the kitchen, and Alex quietly made her escape. Olivia told them a slew of lies about the table and how she came about it, until she was sure Alex had managed to get out. They returned to the dinning room just as Alex knocked on the door.

Olivia smiled and hurried to the door. She made sure to make it seem like they hadn't seen each other yet.

"Hi!" Olivia cried.

"Hi! How are you?" Alex tried to smile but it came across as more of a wince.

"Good, good. You?" Liv wasn't sure if she should hug her, or shake her hand, so she did neither. Alex was smart enough to grab her coat, so Olivia took that from her and hung it beside Warner's.

"Come on in," Olivia gestured to the living room.

"Hi, everyone," Alex smiled at Elliot and Warner. Melinda had a huge frown on her face, but Elliot didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. Alex took a seat in a chair Olivia brought out from the kitchen, and Olivia sat on the floor across the coffee table.

"I didn't expect Elliot to be here," Melinda said sipping her wine.

"Neither did I," Alex jumped in, "I thought this was a ladies night, Olivia."

Olivia laughed with pain, "so did I."

"Is that my cue?" Elliot blurted.

"I don't mind if you stay," Melinda said. Alex looked into her wine.

"Well even so," Liv began, "I don't think Elliot will want to watch chick flicks and talk about, abs..."

Elliot smiled, "I'll leave that to you ladies." He stood and looked ready to leave, but stopped, "can I use your bathroom?"

Olivia nodded, "you know where it is."

He disappeared from the living room, and Melinda looked at Liv and Alex with some confusion.

In the bathroom Elliot washed his hands, when he noticed the medicine cabinet was ajar. He quietly opened it and began reading the labels of the bottles inside. He turned the last one around to read it, and caught that the prescription was for migraines, and for Alex, and two months old.

He slid the bottle back to its place and closed the mirror. He flushed the toilet as he opened the bottom cabinet. There was a pile of clothes thrown inside so he took a blouse off the top. He held it open and examined it. It didn't look like something Liv would wear, and it wasn't a boyfriend's blouse.

_Alex's? _he said quietly to himself. He tossed the blouse back into the cabinet and pretended to wash his hands. He was walking back from the bathroom and choose to take the short cut through the kitchen. He stopped when he saw Alex and Olivia conversing very closely and looking worried. He hid behind the wall and stretched to hear but couldn't make out anything.

He went back around the long way and as he entered the dinning room he found Melinda sitting by herself also looking worried. He grabbed his jacket but stopped and sat beside her.

"Is everything alright?" he asked quietly.

Warner slowly turned to him, but as she was going to talk Alex barged in quickly.

"Elliot! Your still here! Liv is going to get feisty," she smiled. Elliot nodded, glancing again at Melinda before throwing on his jacket and heading to the front door. Alex followed him to show him out.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Cabot?" he snarled.

She stared into his eyes like she had with some of the toughest judges, focused and determined. He curled his upper lip in what she considered to be juvenile and indignant.

He turned away and pulled the door shut behind him; Alex shook her head, _what a jerk_.

The three women sat at the dinning table finishing their meal prepared by Olivia. Alex sat across from her, and Melinda sat at the head. Underneath the table Alex stretched out her legs and touched her high heels against Olivia's boot. Olivia smiled to herself, finding Alex's touch to be comforting and heart-melting.

Melinda dabbed her mouth, "that was fantastic, Olivia."

Alex jumped in, "it really was."

"Thank you," Liv blushed a little.

A silence grew in the room, and Olivia found herself staring at the large candle on the table. It was funny how the flame danced and swirled, like her swarming feelings for Alex.

"I guess we should talk," Melinda said.

Alex took a sip of her wine; Olivia lost some feeling in her fingers.

"I'm sorry if I seemed harsh, earlier," she said to Alex, "but I promise it was only because I was surprised."

Alex nodded. Underneath the table she moved away from Olivia. Liv knew she only did it for her, probably because she thought Liv was uncomfortable. The truth was, the more she knew about herself the less she cared about what others thought of them.

"The issue remains," Melinda continued, "I'm obligated to report this."

"Who is it hurting?" Olivia asked.

"It isn't a matter of hurting anyone right now, but there is a percentage of couples who work together who make certain, unprecedented decisions because of a relationship. That's why the rule is there. I told Alex earlier, this isn't about the two of you, it's about the two of you working in the same department. Olivia, you know because you've seen it, what something like this can do to cases. Old cases and new. It's a road map to disaster."

"Thanks," Olivia chimed, sipping her wine.

Warner shook her head, "I'm not trying to offend you. I'm trying to help you."

Olivia set her glass down roughly with a loud clink; she was ready to lay into Melinda like she never had. Alex stopped her.

"I understand what she's talking about, Olivia. I think we both know."

Olivia frowned deeply at her, "what?"

"I've made a decision. I wanted to tell you alone, but Melinda needs to be here for this."

Olivia could feel her heart bleeding, her fingers growing numb again, and tears welting in her eyes.

"Alex, you can't leave me."

Alex stopped dead, her face revealing sadness and bewilderment. She pushed her chair out as she stood, now looking fierce and commanding.

"I promised you I would never leave you, Olivia. Not again. I would never-" she stopped, seeing a tear drip down Liv's cheek. She walked around the table, disregarding Melinda was even there. She kneeled beside Olivia, tightly holding her hands. Liv tried not to show her emotions, but tears kept falling.

"Stop it," Alex said, taking Olivia's hand to her lips and kissing lovingly. She reached up to Liv's cheek and rubbed away her tears with her thumb. She slid her hand around Liv's cheek and Liv leaned into it.

"I'll never leave you," Alex said again, "I love you."

Olivia felt a shooting, tickling her stomach. She pulled Alex into a kiss that became the kiss which cleared any little, lasting doubts. Alex pulled away from her slowly, her eyes opening slowly, her heart pulsing slowly, her mind working faster. She stood, and Olivia stood with her, hand in hand.

Alex whispered, "I'm leaving SVU."


End file.
